Return to Yourself – The Second Journey

In our moments of despair, it seems as though we have lost everything: We feel neither loved nor capable of loving, we no longer see our partner, and nearly everything has spun out of our control.

What most people fail to see, however, is that we have not actually lost our partner or our relationship, but ourselves.

Out of concern for our partner we have given up parts of ourselves in the course of our relationship that truly made us who we are. We have sacrificed them for our partners, our families, for the future, or for our picture of a harmonious life together. Now many will say they gladly made those decisions, and that one needs to compromise in order to be happy.

That is all well and good, but this picture – the picture of a harmonious and happy family – is that really your picture?

Where did this picture come from?

Our conceptions and ideas come from our past. Maybe we want our children to lead a better life than we have. Maybe we want to prevent a divorce at all costs, because we ourselves had parents who divorced. Maybe that was what we knew.

The first challenge confronting us is to discover where our ideas and conceptions about relationships come from, to investigate who drew our map, who calibrated and inscribed our compass.

The second task is to determine whether our map and our tools are equipped to guide us out of the jungle, or whether they will instead lead us further astray. This is a demanding project, it means no less than to discover what our original truth is – independent of our parents, parents-in-law, newspapers, or glossy magazines.

They are questions that we often ask our entire lives, only to find approximate answers: Who am I? What makes me worth loving? What is the meaning of it all?

But is it not really about the answers – it is about growing out of a dependent relationship to ourselves. It is about re-discovering the feelings and the love within ourselves we had lost touch with.

We are only able to give something we have.