Awakened relationships

Every relationship between partners, parents and children, but also friends, can support your own awakening. It is often even useful to have a person who knows my strange habits, my triggers and my defense mechanisms as a mirror.

I am grateful to all the people around me who have shown me the tricks of my ego over and over again in the process of my personal growth and development – sometimes lovingly, sometimes brutally, but always truthfully.

The key to every awakened relationship lies in this taboo-free, clear truth.

Classic relationships mostly consist of dependencies: Children need their parents and partnerships or friendships are characterized by the understandable desire not to have to go through the world alone. These dependencies are usually mutual and the parties involved often make all kinds of deals. The vast majority of these are unspoken or taken for granted. Irritations only arise when the unspoken or the taboo forces its way out of the normally well-sealed dungeons into the light.

But how can people who are caught up in entanglements be honest mirrors for each other?
It doesn’t work.

The prerequisite for a relationship that supports awakening is the willingness to confront yourself and the other person and thus contribute to growth.

I usually want something from the other person: I want to be seen and understood, perhaps I want recognition, support, security, love or sex. Depending on my abilities and state of mind, I can package this desire and my feeling of needing something in the form of demands, seduction or manipulation. This has little to do with truth, but is rather a more or less charmingly balanced request to satisfy my needs.

Confronting or mirroring is detached from my neediness and the aberrations of my ego. It is a gift to the other person. If I am mindful and compassionate, there is no need for a protective film, because truth unfolds by itself.

Just as important as speaking a perceived truth, however, is the ability of the other person to accept this advice, criticism and love without developing grievances or illusions.

Both require compassion – compassion for others and compassion for myself.

Every relationship has a history of illusions, projections and injuries, and it often takes a separation to leave behind the old, which has not only eaten into the memory but also created countless identities.

It is by no means easy to turn experiences into a blank page.

The experience does not disappear, it has happened. What can be transformed, however, is the judgmental interpretation. Everything that has happened, regardless of whether it was fulfilling or hurtful, whether it encouraged or offended me, has made me exactly the person I am.

Only this person can awaken.

Everything else are identities in an illusory world, they are figures on a cosmic playing field whose meaningfulness they try to understand and yet will never recognize – the fabric and how everything is interwoven is beyond all understanding – it can only be humbly felt and accepted. The white sheet or the empty space knows no trauma, drama or elation, nor is there any difference between perpetrator or victim, doer and sufferer.

The clarity that unfolds on the white sheet does not ask for meaning or purpose, it is boundless love and compassion.

The gift of my awakened relationship is to have met a person who reminds me of this again and again; who takes no account of my everyday entanglements, who combines all-encompassing love with painful clarity and expects the same from me.

This remains challenging, but it keeps me alive and helps me not to sink into the bubbling swamp of false harmony in melancholy moments.

Are you ready to show your truth to your partners and friends, your children and parents?

Are you ready to risk everything and leave the morass of everyday lies behind you?

Are you still asleep or are you already in love?