Procedure for
relationship coaching
Every relationship is as individual as the people who have it.Respect for this uniqueness makes a standardized approach impossible.
Nevertheless, we are often asked for an assessment of the duration and scope, and it is a legitimate concern of people seeking therapeutic support to get an idea of what they are getting into.
Every relationship is as individual as the people who have it. Respect for this uniqueness makes a standardized approach impossible.
Nevertheless, we are often asked for an assessment of the duration and scope, and it is a legitimate concern of people seeking therapeutic support to get an idea of what they are getting into.
We do not have a rigid procedure, but adapt the relationship coaching process to your needs and also let you know which specific steps and measures we consider useful going forward. A normal coaching cycle consists of 4 to 6 sessions, which take place approximately 2 to 3 weeks apart. Nevertheless, it is good to know that couples therapy can be a longer process. At the beginning, the focus is certainly on couples counseling, but it often develops into an individual growth process for each person.
There is no right and wrong in this process and from our perspective, every relationship is an opportunity to get to know yourself better.
The following description serves as a rough framework and after we have gotten to know you, we will work out the next steps together with you.
The contents could be as follows:
Getting started and understanding
In the first two sessions, we mainly listen and try to find out what concrete agreements and rules are needed so that you can embark on a common path.
Patterns that repeatedly lead to disappointment often come up and we work with you to develop tools for de-escalation. Then, if you wish, we will suggest some tools for improving communication and dealing with triggers.
In the first two sessions, you will also gain a theoretical understanding of the development stage you are about to take and the associated challenges.
It all starts with understanding
Now you are in a position to place the current situation in an ongoing process, in a model that not only creates understanding, but also encourages you to move on.
This is not yet a solution, but it often leads to a temporary “ceasefire” and creates the motivation to address the deeper causes of the conflicts.
“Okay, we’re lost and stuck”, or rather, “I can finally put my feelings and fears into context”.
Now that the foundations for conscious understanding have been laid, the real work can begin. The first step is complete and the despair of not understanding gives way to cautious confidence and often curiosity.
“What happens next?” is then the all-important question that sprouts from the breeding ground of the newly gained knowledge.
Recognize and change
In the subsequent sessions, we deal with the underlying causes of the conflicts.
These usually come from your biography: they are caused by the previous family environment in which you grew up, by imprints and by past injuries that are repeated in the current partnership.
In this individual biography work, we sometimes find it useful to concentrate on one of you, while the other has the role of a participant observer in this session. This allows understanding, but also compassion for the everyday actions and reactions of your partner to unfold.
Developing compassion
Compassion, on the other hand, is the prerequisite for forgiveness and letting go of pent-up resentment.
Biographical work also often reveals hidden or unconscious entanglements with parents, parents-in-law, former partners or even one’s own children.
We try to work through as much of the biographical material as possible in these sessions, but if there are deep-seated wounds or difficulties in opening up, it may be useful to have some individual coaching sessions.
This is also the case if the shame threshold for working in front of the partner is too high or if there is a separation during the process.
But regardless of whether it is an individual or couple’s session, this section of the couple’s counseling session is intended to get the journey back to yourself on track. It is an impetus to question yourself and the partnership in its current form in order to creatively create something new from the answers.
In the beginning, this is often just a small plant and it is up to the partners to decide whether they want to nurture it or separate.
Integration and the future
In the following sessions, we will reflect on the path you have taken so far and work out further possible development steps.
We are focusing primarily on the future and are endeavoring to bundle the positive will of our partners to create a force that can overcome the inevitable challenges ahead without our support.
The previous crises and theaters of war have largely calmed down. Now it is a matter of looking ahead as freely as possible.
A look into the future
We will work out with you whether you would like to have more topic-specific sessions and, if necessary, make a plan over a longer period of time. The frequency of sessions usually extends to six to eight weeks.
Such support at longer intervals can last for a longer period of time – depending on how and where you want to develop and what your individual priorities are.
There is no end here, because personal growth never ends.
