Relationship coaching
Imagine your partnership as a mobile.
You are the characters in it – whether you like it or not. Everything in the past, every action and movement, every thought of one has an influence on the other. You can defend yourself, you can insist on your freedom and independence, but you still remain a character in the mobile.
You are connected to others and everything hangs by a thread. The mobile swings and you move with it.
But it’s not just the two of you who move around in the mobile: everything you currently have and everything you think is behind you is hanging there: your fathers, mothers, possible affairs – even the ones you only dreamed about. Children, work colleagues, values, future plans as well as sexual likes and dislikes and all your personal fears and anxieties hang there, even if you only suspect their causes and backgrounds.
A systemic network
Your entire unconscious and the unconscious of all the other figures in this mobile is part of your life.
The idea of such dependencies creates discomfort – especially in times of crisis. However, since you cannot prevent entanglements in relationships, it is important that you get to know your personal mobile. Only then can you understand your part in the dynamics of the relationship, but also get an idea of what it could mean to be free.
You can only change what you understand and you can at least name and accept what you cannot change.
Know yourself
The questions that arise are:
Why am I attached to this particular place in the mobile and what roles and identities are associated with it?
How do I maintain the dynamics of the entire mobile and my relationships?
What advantage do I gain from the current situation and what is the price?
Who would I be without this mobile? Independent of my partner and family – all alone?
Did I want this life, children, career?
What are my hopes and aspirations, what is my comfort?
Understanding and changing
Relationship coaching is awareness work that can show you where you and your partner stand and where you can go together or alone. The prerequisite for this is a decision for personal growth and change.
The most important step here is no longer to look for “guilt” in the other person, but to grow beyond the perpetrator-victim dynamic in a self-reflective way.
You could recognize why most of your partnerships have been similar and how you manage to keep coming up with the same thing, even though you do everything differently.
As soon as you recognize this hamster wheel, change usually happens by itself.
You will then do exactly the right thing out of yourself.
This requires courage – courage to face your truth.
“Our lives are not our own.
From the cradle to the grave, we are connected to others.
In the past and present.
And with every crime and every act of kindness, we create our future.” 1
